For Dying Matters week, we asked our volunteers a series of questions about how their culture approaches death and dying…

In your culture, what practical arrangements happen immediately after someone dies?

Everyone has different needs. Some remove the body straight away, others want to sit with it. I think a discussion about options in advance is very helpful . Then better to be aware of all the prep for funeral and paperwork in advance as can be overwhelming.

We start a prayer at the Sikh temple or at home. We cover the floor with white sheets and everyone sits on the floor. We cover our heads with white shawls. We then start arrangements for the funeral.

In the Jewish religion, burial takes place quickly.

We are told it is better to not touch or move the person for some time as the death of the physical body is only part of the process of dying.

I am C of E so: Certification of death, body removed to mortuary or funeral home, collection of belongings if death occurred outside of the home, collection of death certificate. My husband is a practicing Muslim so the cleansing of the body and preparation for immediate burial is of the upmost importance.

In Islam, after death, the body is washed, shrouded in white cloth, and a funeral prayer is performed. The deceased is then buried facing the Qibla as soon as possible. Family and friends pray and give charity on their behalf.

Body is bound after cleaning at undertakers or in hospital.

Rabbi informed. Death certificate obtained.  Register of births and death visited.

A visit to the funeral directors and a visit to my priest.

On a religious/spiritual level in India prayers would be conducted for 4 days after death. In the UK things take a little longer but we have priests who help us through the rituals post death.  (Zoroastrian)

Need to get a death certificate before making other arrangements. However we have left our bodies to medial science so notifications need to be done quickly.

My husband was a Muslem and I lived for decades in Muslem countries. The funeral is held very quickly, no doubt because of the heat in these countries. We followed the tradition here.  My husband, as per his wishes, was buried in a shroud, no coffin. In the Middle East, the family and friends will them gather to receive condolences, usually in a hotel, at specific times, for up to 3 days, depending on the importance of the deceased. After seven days there may be another gathering, but forty days is more likely.  This traditionally allows for people who are travelling distances to pay their respects.

Where I come from, funerals need to happen within 48 hours of a death. Rarely we manage to organise a small do for people. Said that, there is normally a small group of very close family and friends that go out for lunch or dinner together to remember the departed. I don’t like the long waits for a funeral in this country, but it is nice to be able to organise a nice send off where the preferred music of the dead person is played and people can gather to exchange stories and memories.

In Malaysia where I was born ( into a Hindu family ) the body is washed by family members and then embalmed . It is then laid out for people to come to pay their last respects until the funeral which usually takes place the following day (due to the heat).

In your culture, how does food or music play a role when someone dies?

Music, in a crematorium, there’s basically a fixed number of ‘songs’ you can have. I nearly fell over when, at my mum’s funeral, my dad had organised the RAF March for the leaving music. So clearly we got him the same when it was his turn.

In both my Christian family and my Indian family the coming together for food is important to the family as in life. In Hindu beliefs there is a time of purification and cleansing so no meat, no onions, certain spices, very simple food.

We don’t cook at home, close family will bring us food and definitely no music unless its prayers and no alcohol and meat to be consumed in the house until the funeral.  (Sikh)

Music is central – it touches souls. As is food as it is nourishing and comforting.

Following funeral, bereaved next of kin have special foods to eat such as hard boiled egg, anchovies and round roll such as a bagel.  (Jewish)

Normally we abstain from meat for 3 days of prayers. On the 4th day it is customary to eat dhansak (dhal & rice). This is why dhansak, although considered our signature dish, is never served at weddings or celebrations. (Zoroastrian)

As a Christian, I would hope for Holy Communion before death.

Close family do not cook or light fire  in the house till the cremation happens.  Other family members bring in food for the family who are mourning.  Prayers are held for at least 13 days and no meat is consumed all this time.  There is slight difference between the different groups of members.

Food is not usually cooked at home by the mourning family for about 8 to 11 days ( when special prayers take place ). Friends and family take turns to bring food and refreshments over so that the initial grieving can take without having to think about practicalities . When my mother was laid out sacred music was played in the home throughout the night and until the funeral took place.

Food is part of some cultures, I attended a Muslim funeral recently and food was really important and was eaten at the graveside as a celebration with the deceased.

In Islam, food is often shared with the grieving family and the community after a death, as an act of support and charity. However, extravagant feasts are discouraged. Music is generally avoided during mourning, as the focus is on prayer, reflection, and remembrance of Allah.

Choice of music for the funeral is particularly important and great care is taken to select something meaningful to the person who has died and those attending. Music tends to reflect something about the interests of the person who has died, or what was important to them.

It depends on the person.  Music which links to the person who has died is important, so that their farewell is right. It is reassuring to feel that a service/other activity is all about them (like taking their ashes up their favourite mountain in the middle of winter..).

Music used to be played in our country, loud funeral orchestral, I think it was used so that if you were suddenly in a lethargic sleep – you would wake up, but now it is not so popular. Food is like a funeral dinner, which includes soup or borscht, also pies with different fillings and drinks.

In the 3 funerals I helped organise (2 Jewish-lite, one Humanist) music played a big role. Spent a lot of time before and after my bereavements, planning the music. Whenever I hear those pieces, by Holst, Dvorak, Albinoni, I think of my departed loved-ones even more intensely than usual.

Music is a key part of my life. I have chosen the music for my funeral and its settings. The wake is important with plentiful food and drink to celebrate the life well spent, its achievements and the characteristics of the deceased.

What other things play a role?

At Hindu funerals the first born son usually has the responsibility of lighting the funeral pyre . The ashes are then taken to the sea to be male family members to be scattered.

Relatives visit every day until the funeral. We buy new clothes for our loved ones to wear on the funeral. (Sikh)

A photo on the coffin would be nice. I have also written my life story so the children can put together an eulogy.

We do not believe in burying the body so in the UK bodies are cremated. (Zoroastrian)

There is a difference between the ceremonies that takes place when a husband dies.  There is a distinct process the wife goes through as she becomes a widow. Only men attend cremation but things are changing as now the cremation places have chapels where people can go and pay their last respect.  The casket is open on the day of the ceremony so everyone there can pay their last respects.

Small things mean a lot to families.  I laid my father out in hospital and did things which my step mother wanted, certain pyjamas, cut a lock of hair, didn’t cover his face, put a spray of Heather in his pocket (he was Scottish) and put a picture of his dog near him. She was very grateful. My brother buried his ashes at the golf club, where my father was happy.

A lot of people also display significant photos or even play videos both at the ceremony of the funeral and at the gathering and that is also very nice.

I believe someone (a family member or ancestor) comes down to take the spirit of the person that has died home to the spirit world.

In your culture, what rituals (if any) do you carry out to remember people who have died (e.g. on their birthday or special occasions)?

I am still in the first year of widowhood. We had been together for 56 years-it seemed strange this year not to exchange Valentine cards. I have a small floral container with some of my husbands ashes in our bedroom which I  talk to on occasion. I passed a quiet day on my own on his birthday. All the family were together in New Zealand for Christmas when we remembered him. Each of the grandchildren received keep-sakes from their Grandpa.

As a family we always remember our loved ones on their birthdays and anniversaries and raise a glass to them. We also have days out to remember them.

We don’t have any rituals in our family.  When my parents first died, for a few years I would text my sister and brother on the dates of my parents’ birthdays just to say that I was remembering them.

I like to have some quiet time in remembrance and look over photographs.

From a Buddhist point of view, prayers for 49 days after death.

Sharing time as a family on the person’s birthday or anniversary. I liked to cook and eat out with my father. When I often saw lovely fish or ate a good meal I’d think of him. I did this on his birthday  My brother remembers him when he plays golf, at the same golf course.

I have a vase, which takes a single stem, which I place behind my parent’s  picture in the lounge, when it’s their birthday , or Easter, and at Xmas I decorate with tinsel.

Prayers are held at 6 months and 12 months.  On these prayer days all the favourite food of the person is made and offered to them.  The plate of food is placed in the garden and the prayers and offerings should finish before midday.

On each anniversary of my husband’s death I have had an ‘open house’ of family and friends. His favourite foods always the offered fare.

Always say goodnight to my nanny and my step-mum.

I usually go to the cemetery to take flowers, sometimes light a candle at home, meet with my sisters to enjoy a meal together for our mothers’ birthday.

Message those people who were also close to the person who died and share memories/photos. On the anniversary of my Nan’s death we eat Maltesers (they were her favourite). We call it “Malteser Day”.

In Islam, remembrance of the deceased is done through prayers, Quran recitation, and giving charity in their name, rather than marking birthdays or anniversaries. Visiting their grave, making prayer for their forgiveness, and performing good deeds on their behalf are encouraged acts of remembrance.

Memorial prayers are carried out on the 10th day, 1 month, 6 months and 1 year. We have a special period for the last 10 days of our calendar year when we believe the souls of departed ones visit the earth. Prayers are said and silver vases with flowers are displayed for each person.