James and Tim met at a mutual friend’s party in Guildford in the 1980s and continued an ongoing friendship over the years, eventually becoming an established, happy couple for over 15 years. They lived a full and happy life, sharing a close social circle and enjoying plenty of travel and shared cultural interests. Tim was a thriving artist and painting restorer with an exceptional reputation.

Years later, they went on to marry, after Tim proposed in front of a room full of friends at James’s 60th Birthday party. After an initial diagnosis of oesophageal cancer in 2021, James’s husband died in May 2022, under the care of Princess Alice Hospice: ‘he was my best friend, my world, my rock, my everything. Through Tim dying, at the time I truly felt that a part of me had also died, and the process of finding myself again and accepting the loss of this special human being is taking a long time to come to terms with’.

During the final weeks of Tim’s life, James had first spoken to hospital nurses about the idea of palliative care. Initially, he felt sure he wanted to take Tim home to die, but a conversation with a mutual friend made James think a hospice might be better, to allow him to enjoy their last days together and not carry the responsibility of caring for him fulltime at home.

After some careful thought, James took the decision to let Tim die at Princess Alice Hospice, telling him: ‘I’ve found you the best place darling, I’ve found you the best hotel, but you need to be well enough tomorrow morning to make the journey there.’ James recalls how ‘Tim’s face lit up and he made it to the Hospice the following day’.

James remembers a warm, caring reception when they arrived, before Tim was ‘tucked up’ in bed with a cool drink; he was calm. James stayed in the room with Tim and was able to bring their beloved wire-haired fox terrier, Harry, in for visits: ‘after being in the hospital I was exhausted and on a complete sleep deficit. The spare bed was comfortable, and

 it was quiet, just me and Tim.’

The next day, James was extremely grateful when he was able to organise for Tim to be taken outside into the fresh air: ‘It was very sweet. I so wanted to get Tim outside, to smell the fresh air, to feel nature around him again. My ‘nature boy’ was finally able to look onto the green trees and shimmering pond below.’ James recalls the sun was shining and it was a glorious late spring day in May. On the night before Tim died, his bed was lowered to allow James to lie at the same level as his husband. In Tim’s final hour, James talked to him about their time together on one of their favourite beaches in Costa Rica and opened the doors for Tim to hear the early dawn chorus. Inspired by a painting that was hanging in the room, he described the scene on the beach and the memory of them running in and out of the sea together. A little while later, James asked Tim, ‘can you hear me? Darling, I’m going to play you some Chopin’; Piano Concerto No.1 in E minor. Op 11:2 Romance.’ Tim died shortly afterwards.

James now volunteers at the Hospice coffee shop, saying that ‘from the outset after Tim died, there’s been something very warm and caring about this place. I was so grateful to get him in here to die in peace.’

On Princess Alice Hospice, James says simply: ‘thank God for this place. It was like an oasis in the desert. It allowed me to be with Tim in his final few days and the hospice is still a very special place of refuge for me.’

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