Elaine first met Fiona in 1990 when they were both at nursing college in London. It’s a friendship that’s endured over 35 years, and they, along with 4 others from the course, remain firm friends to this day.  When Elaine first met Fiona’s future husband Gary in 1997, she knew instinctively he was ‘a really good guy, it was a joke in our group how fantastic he was, how great he was at DIY and so on!’  

Late last year, Fiona messaged Elaine to say that Gary was extremely unwell with an aggressive form of cancer; shortly afterwards, Gary spent 6 days at Princess Alice Hospice, where he sadly died 12 days before Christmas, aged just 58 years old.  

Elaine was shocked by how affected she was by Gary’s untimely death: ‘I felt really sad and was surprised by how much the grief floored me. I wanted to help Fiona but traditional gestures felt so inadequate and I was 250 miles away from her, so I couldn’t offer practical help or even give her a hug. I knew the months ahead would be hard for her but I felt helpless.’  

To start to process her own feelings, Elaine says: ‘I wanted to show Gary’s family how much I cared and I wanted to honour Gary, too. Fiona had spoken so highly of Princess Alice Hospice and I started thinking about taking on a fundraising challenge for them, as a way of coping with my own emotions, too.’  

Elaine found the Hospice’s ‘Support Us’ page on their website a useful starting point, with its calendar of challenge events available through the year. Elaine liked the look of the Thames Bridges Trek, a 25km walk through London, taking place in September, and decided to run the idea of a challenge event by Fiona, whose response Elaine still remembers with a smile: ‘I’m not jumping out of anything or going off anything high!’ 

With Fiona’s blessing, Elaine registered ‘The Scarlett’s Ladies’  with Endurance Challenge via the Hospice website and gathered together a team of 8 friends and family members of Gary’s. The group lived in various parts of the country, but they set up a WhatsApp group to share pictures of their training routes and words of encouragement; messages on the days that would have been Fiona and Gary’s wedding anniversary and his birthday were particularly poignant. The Hospice added the group’s 8 JustGiving pages to Gary’s online tribute page and donations accompanied by messages of encouragement began to build up. On Gary’s birthday they were touched when the total reached £5,000. 

As well as the JustGiving page, Elaine set out a money box at work for small donations and was delighted when items she had sewn raised over £130 at a local craft fair: ‘Some of us were a bit nervous about raising the money, but I shouldn’t have worried. When telling people about Gary and the challenge, I found it helped me to process my grief, and it felt like a really positive thing. I was surprised and humbled by people’s generosity –  on one training walk, I got chatting to a lady who gave me a £5 note there and then from her handbag.’ 

Elaine and the other walkers found the Endurance challenge app a great source of inspiration, offering hints and training tips. The app alerted them to dates for fundraising targets, and when the entrants’ start times were listed Elaine could check on everyone’s behalf that the organisation was correct, ensuring they were ready to put their best foot forward on the challenge day.

Reflecting back, Elaine says: ‘the training walks I did greatly helped me by giving me time out to enjoy fresh air and exercise, and to process the sadness and personal fear after Gary’s death – I only did these because I committed to doing the trek for Princess Alice Hospice. The training was definitely part of healing, I would certainly recommend others to plan and undertake such a challenge if they’re struggling with grief.’’ 

Of the day itself, Elaine says: ‘It was so well organised and there was a sense of excitement to be amongst over 1,000 walkers. The organisation and route marshals were great, the street signposting was clear and there were snacks and drinks at the rest stops. The Scarlett’s Ladies walked along in our bright Princess Alice Hospice t-shirts and felt so united as a team, walking for Gary and the charity. At the end of the 25km and having walked over 40,000 steps, we crossed the line, a little sore but immensely proud. We raised a toast to Gary and ourselves!’ 

Looking back, Elaine reflects how ‘the whole 8 months of training was a process – grief changes over time and I realised I was feeling a bit better by the time we did the walk. It helped me to talk about Gary and process what had happened. We came together, connected and did something positive, not just for ourselves but for the amazing Princess Alice Hospice, too. It felt good to talk about Gary, laugh, and not feel guilty or as sad. We’re still on the WhatsApp group and it was lovely when Fiona sent us the letter she’d received from Princess Alice Hospice to thank us for our support.’ 

If Elaine’s story has inspired you to take on your own fundraising challenge to support Princess Alice Hospice, you can find out more here: How You Can Help Our Hospice – Princess Alice Hospice