Acknowledge your feelings
Give yourself permission to feel a mix of emotions during Christmas. Grief and joy can coexist, so allow yourself to experience moments of happiness when they arise. Be kind to yourself, remember that it’s okay to find this time of year hard and try not to pressure yourself to feel certain emotions.

Think about your priorities
Christmas often comes with expectations to attend gatherings and celebrate in a certain way. Try to think about what’s most important to you. If there are children in your life who are grieving, it’s important to talk openly and encourage them to express their emotions. Ask how they’d like to spend Christmas and include them in planning. Try to prioritize their needs over other’s expectations.

Try to be honest with others
Let friends and family know how you’re feeling. It’s not always easy, but if you’re struggling, share what you want to do and how they can help. Talking openly can make Christmas easier.

Think about giving others permission to talk
People might hesitate to mention the person who has died if they think it will upset you. If you’re comfortable, let them know you want to share memories or take the lead by speaking about the person that has died first. You might encourage a toast to them in the Christmas meal or share a favourite story about them.

Set boundaries
Some relatives may expect to see you during the Christmas holiday time. Think about letting them know how you feel about visiting. If a visit can’t be avoided, see if it is possible to visit them. It will be easier to control how long the visit lasts, because you will be able to make your excuse to leave if you feel you have had enough. You might suggest a time limit: “I’ll come over for a quick drink but only stay about an hour.” Try to be honest about wanting to attend parties too. You could ask the host if it’s okay to cancel last minute if you need to, so you can see how you feel on the day.

Plan for Christmas day
Think about which parts of Christmas day might be hardest and plan how to manage them. Some find structure and planning helpful, while others prefer flexibility. If planning feels too much that’s okay too. Think ahead about how you might feel if you spend the day by yourself. If you’re considering skipping Christmas entirely, doing something different could help. You might want to volunteer at a charity. Keep in mind that being away from supportive friends or family might be tough.

Make time for yourself
It might be helpful to set aside some time for yourself during the day. If you’re with others, let them know if you need a break.

Stay healthy
Christmas is a time to treat yourself. But food and alcohol do affect how we feel. Try to make sure you get plenty of rest. Light exercise may help to boost your mood.

Christmas cards
Writing Christmas cards that don’t include your person’s name can feel painful. You might like to tell people that you have chosen to donate the money to charity instead this year. If people used to send cards addressed to both of you, be prepared for some cards to still include their name.

Start a new tradition
Previous traditions may no longer feel right. Consider adjusting or creating new ones, like attending a candle lighting ceremony with others who have lost loved ones, spending time in a special place or listening to a special piece of music.

New Year’s Eve
A new year can bring a sense of moving further away from the person who has died. Recognise these feelings and share them with supportive friends or family. Think about how you want to spend New Year’s Eve in a way that feels right for you.

Bereavement and Spiritual Care Team
01372 461836
[email protected]